This is my last post. Moving to a new address.
This is a city that has never welcome me with open arms though it did not shut its doors on me either. I entered with my baggage of love, hoping to settle down but after months of searching, I realised that I never did belong here.
It did express its desire to keep me here. There are mornings when I woke up to find new flowers in my garden and on good days, it placed directions along the streets for me and brought me around.
With everyday, I fell deeper in love, not because of what it does but because of what it is. This city is a mystery and the key is hidden somewhere and I was determined to find it.
On many occasions, I try livening up the city and brightening up days in here. I planted flowers and trees along the path, I painted banners and hung up along the streets, I played music by the road… but despite all, sometimes, I still feel that I do not belong here. The roads I walked on did not have my foot prints on it, the shops I went in did not like my presence, the air did not blend well with what I breathed out. Also, those times when I received letters from it telling me to stop everything because it does not like the flowers that are starting to bloom and the trees that are bearing fruits nor the music that filled the streets.
Still, I go home every night and unpack my baggage of love, hoping that one day I will find a place for them in here.
Those nights I went to sleep with a smile after hours at the balcony talking to it, those times when it brought me to places where no one else knows, those times when I feel like this is my city. We had a relationship, we were lovers. Wait, we were more than lovers because we have a secret. One secret that bridge our connections.
I do not understand why do I only hear my echoes when I talked to it sometimes nor why does it looks at the flowers with distaste.
And I do not understand why after months, after all the trying, I still do not know anything beyond their face values. How did the street name come by? Why are the walls painted in black? Why isn’t there any park?
I know about the city, but it will never be enough. Not because I am not trying but because the city will never allow me into the extreme end of the main street where the heart and mind of the city lie. Where stories and memories stay.
So after months of trying, searching and denial, I am packing my baggage of love and leaving this city. To somewhere where I belong.
