This is a city that has never welcome me with open arms though it did not shut its doors on me either. I entered with my baggage of love, hoping to settle down but after months of searching, I realised that I never did belong here.
It did express its desire to keep me here. There are mornings when I woke up to find new flowers in my garden and on good days, it placed directions along the streets for me and brought me around.
With everyday, I fell deeper in love, not because of what it does but because of what it is. This city is a mystery and the key is hidden somewhere and I was determined to find it.

On many occasions, I try livening up the city and brightening up days in here. I planted flowers and trees along the path, I painted banners and hung up along the streets, I played music by the road… but despite all, sometimes, I still feel that I do not belong here. The roads I walked on did not have my foot prints on it, the shops I went in did not like my presence, the air did not blend well with what I breathed out. Also, those times when I received letters from it telling me to stop everything because it does not like the flowers that are starting to bloom and the trees that are bearing fruits nor the music that filled the streets.

Still, I go home every night and unpack my baggage of love, hoping that one day I will find a place for them in here.

Those nights I went to sleep with a smile after hours at the balcony talking to it, those times when it brought me to places where no one else knows, those times when I feel like this is my city. We had a relationship, we were lovers. Wait, we were more than lovers because we have a secret. One secret that bridge our connections.

I do not understand why do I only hear my echoes when I talked to it sometimes nor why does it looks at the flowers with distaste.
And I do not understand why after months, after all the trying, I still do not know anything beyond their face values. How did the street name come by? Why are the walls painted in black? Why isn’t there any park?

I know about the city, but it will never be enough. Not because I am not trying but because the city will never allow me into the extreme end of the main street where the heart and mind of the city lie. Where stories and memories stay.

So after months of trying, searching and denial, I am packing my baggage of love and leaving this city. To somewhere where I belong.

Hot stuff #02. #01 is a secret.

Lunch at Chinatown where I had some funny sotong ball soup that tasted surprisingly good followed by aimless walking and reading at the national library with Claudia.  Dinner with primary school friends, olive oil fried chicken which I suspect is just as unhealthy and Step Up 2 that has the best ending ever. The dance was Fantastic and I think I should go mocca.com to look for a guy who can dance as well as Robert Hoffman though I am nothing like Andie. But we can always dream, cant we?

I was feeling a little nostalgic few days back so the meet up was really good and much needed. It has been a long while since the three of us hung out and honestly, I am willing to trade anything (well, almost) for a night out like this.
Yong He dao jiang you tiao at Lorong 27 that reminded me of the breakfast I had in Yong He Taiwan. It has only been slightly more than a year and there have been so many changes in my life. No more traveling and crazy shopping at Causeway Bay and Wu Fen Pu. No more The Barn in my sexy jersey. No more che zai mian. No more shihlin. No more tours. No more stays in Grand Formosa Regent.

Today, I spent 15 minutes digesting ONE page of this book which I just started on. It was as if my heart wrote the book, every word and statement was my deepest thoughts and emotions.
When I read it, it felt like my heart was talking to me.

Sigh, I really miss you but I know that things will never be the same again.

Digressing from that, I have an infected toe and its boohoo painful. It is huge, swollen and oozing pus. Very unsightly.
And if my mother finds out she is going to apply some chinese oilment that sting terribly and so I am going to pretend to be perfectly alright and nurse my wound secretly.

Today, I wonder, will there be a number 34? That thought is depressing.

Back up, back up,
Take another chance.
Don’t you mess up, mess up.
I don’t wanna lose you.
Wake up, wake up.
This ain’t just a thing that you,
Give up, give up.
Don’t just say that I’d be better off.
Better off sitting by myself wondering,
If I’m better off, better off without you boy.

And every time you notice me,
By holding me closely and saying sweet things,
I don’t believe that it could be,
You speakin’ your mind and saying the real thing.
My feet have broke free and I’m leaving.
I’m not gonna stand here feeling lonely but I don’t regret it,
And I don’t think it was just a waste of time.

Back up, back up,
Take another chance.
Don’t you mess up, mess up.
I don’t wanna lose you.
Wake up, wake up.
This ain’t just a thing that you,
Give up, give up.
Don’t just say that I’d be better off.
Better off sitting by myself wondering,
If I’m better off, better off without you boy.

Don’t just leave me hanging on.
Don’t just leave me hanging on.

The little things you do to me are taking me over.
I wanna show you everything inside of me,
Like a nervous heart that is crazy beating.
My feet are stuck here against the pavement.
I wanna break free.
I wanna make it closer to your eyes.
Get your attention before you pass me by.

Don’t just leave me hanging on.

Back up, back up,
Take another chance.
Don’t you mess up, mess up.
I don’t wanna lose you.
Wake up, wake up.
This ain’t just a thing that you,
Give up, give up.
Don’t just say that I’d be better off.
Better off sitting by myself wondering,
If I’m better off, better off without you boy.

Don’t just leave me hanging on.
Don’t just leave me hanging on

You and me
A little different though we tried to stay the same
It never leaves
And when it changes it is still a waiting game

I wait for a lonely breath
I wait to surface from this depth
Wait for the light to come and take away
These images I’ve kept
In my head.

More then ever
I need to feel you
More then ever
I see the real you

You are me
A worse disaster would be waking up alone
Now we’re free
We’re drifting out like all the ones we didn’t know

I wait for a silence here
I wait for things to disappear
Wait for the ground to stop
Moving underneath
My only fear
If I lose you, I don’t know

More than ever
I need to feel you, its all around
More than ever
I see the real you, and it surrounds

Everything, everything we have had.
Out of sight, out of mind given that
What I see when I dream hurts like hell and back
Everything, everything we have had,
Out of sight, out of mind given that
What I see when I dream hurts like hell and back

More than ever,
I need to feel you
Its all around
More that ever
I see the real you
And it surrounds
More that ever I need to feel you
Its all around
More that ever I see the real you
And it surrounds